Friend

Friend

a true friend brings you rip-off Pringles

and makes you sink pasta

when you are immobile

a friend buys you shampoo

and cleans you

while you kneel on 2 buckets to protect your casts

a friend cheers your pathetic efforts

to navigate a 20 foot hallway on crutches

and buys wine along with pain killers

a friend faces a Rwanda pharmacy

when you have given yourself heartburn from

too much diet soda

gossip girl, mad men and west wing

pale in the face of your entertainment value

Thank You seems insufficient

so

You the bomb

 

Because I don’t get enough attention

After careful thought ad consideration, I decided that being yelled at “Muzungu” or “Jan-IE” every single time I leave the house wasn’t enough for me anymore. What could I do to really make a splash? Yes everyone stares at me wherever I go, but do they stare for 5 seconds? Ten? How could I ramp this up?

The short answer: Trip on a rock

                           photo credit-Inga Storen

The long answer: Fall walking of my house and manage to sprain both ankles quite badly. My friend Susan was with me and once we stopped laughing and I tried to get up, we realized that walking was a skill I no longer possessed. one ankle was quickly approaching baseball size while the other hovered around golf ball. Of course the neighborhood was out in full force to watch my gracefulness so Bizmani put me on his back and started to the hospital. We managed to find a kid with a bike who took me while Bizmani and Robert walked with Susan. We arrived at the hospital, which resembles a concrete shell more than any hospital in the US. The doctor asked my name and few basic questions and then grabs my ankles with no warning and twists. Tears literally burst from my eyes, cartoon style.  ‘Yes, hurts hurts” I wept.  Same on the other side, by this time, pain has set in and I am sobbing. “You need to go to radiology” the Doctor says and leaves the room. How was I supposed to get there? fly? Bizmani and Susan became my human crutches and dragged me to radiology.

Again, the man grabbed my ankle no warning to position it, I was holding Susan’s hand and I think she still has all her fingers.  And doesn’t appear to have permanent hearing damage from the screams. In the x-ray room, no one asked me if I was pregnant (Relax! I am not, but all women of child bearing age need to be asked that because its bad for the baby)  no one covered my chest with that heavy protective device and no one asked Susan to leave the room. After the X-Ray, the guy comes out with the x-ray he just developed and gives to Susan “Can you please go outside for 5-8 minutes into the sun and dry this”  She had been in contact with our field director Kelly Jo who had offered to rent a car and come get us but I had said to wait…I mean fixing ankles isn’t brain surgery.  I turned to one of men who are there, not in scrubs or recognizable medical outfits but appeared to be working there, and inquire about crutches. Yes, crutches aren’t ideal but at this point, but alas crawling and scooting on my bottom are the only options for unassisted movement. “Oh no, we don’t have those, you would have to go to Butare or Kigali”

Now its time to call my mommy in pieces. “Mom, sorry I woke you but I didn’t know Aaron’s new cell or Daddy’s and I don’t want to worry you………blah and they don’t have crutches and ……blah, sob, blah sob and its really really hurts.” Debbie Doo is excellent in a crisis and has an uncanny ability to stay calm when I am not.  In the calmest voice ever managed by woman who has been woken up at 2:45 AM by a hysterical 28 year old daughter she managed to make the world seem infinitely better. “Jane, of course you call me. I am your mother, you are supposed to call me. Don’t ever worry about that. You need to RICE if they aren’t broken. And crutches would be hard if you don't have one good foot. We can find you some sticks…”

“Mom, they don’t even have an ace bandage sob sob”

“Okay, you will find some cloth and have someone wrap it really tightly”

After the prescribed time, Susan comes back and hands the x-ray to the “guy” (job unclear) and he says we have to wait for “the” Doctor. Apparently there is only one at this hospital and he is in surgery. “How long” Susan asks. “Oh, I don’t know” is the answer. At this point I scream “OYA” (no) and text Kelly Jo “please come.” We left the hospital without ever being offered ice for the tennis ball sized swellings where my ankles used to be, no ace bandage or wrapping.

Two hours later, we are in a car with Kelly Jo and Fiancée Camble (KJamble is their nickname). They took me to King Fiesel hospital in Kigali where the doctor spoke the King’s English. He looked gently at my ankles before ordering morphine (bless his soul now and forever), 2 new x-rays (yes, Susan left the room and all my organs were properly covered) and plaster of Paris casts.  Post morphine quote “I don’t even have cankles, I have really nice ankles.”

                      ice cream heals

So now I am ensconced in the hostel where my friend Susan lives, only a few doors away. . I do have crutches but until one ankles gets a little better walking is still challenging. But, if there was a fire or say I had to pee and had no one around, I am not forced to crawl. They don’t have air casts here so even though I look like a gigantic loser with double plaster casts, they really do help keep my ankles straight and less painful. Although they look quite dramatic, they keep my ankles safe and secure.  Its quite a chore to move but yesterday I managed the hallway 3 times.

 pathetic sums it up

Susan has been an absolute rock, piling junk food and care on me, leaving only to work.  I also have other nurses, and last night while Susan worked, Joco came in from her little town and made me laugh and smile until I passed out in front of Gossip Girl.  The bigger problem when these casts come off is I may be spoiled rotten. Really really rotten. 

“But I want an oompa loompa NOW”

My family has always been the type that are beyond amazing in a crisis. There just are not people on the planet who could be better when the chips are down. But I am totally struck by how amazing peeps I have know for 9 months have come through! Even for a silly ankle/Jane can’t walk injury, my WorldTeach group has been so awesome and I appreciate every text, FB message and general love sent this direction.  As hard as this year can be, maybe the core “lesson” is about generosity of spirit and love. Let me assure you, Africa has not turned me into a granola freegan earth mother. I miss shopping, facials and being clean. But, I have learned about true community spirit.

Disclaimer: This was written 2 codeine deep

Sporto with Suuuzie and Jan-IE

 

My friend Susan (re-christened Suuuzie) came down in Saturday for a Nyanza style date night. Sat night was epic, a little wine, sporto (a.ka.a yoga) with the kiddies, bit more wine and some pirated TV.  Sunday morning, things went “a little awry.” By “a little awry”I really mean 2 hospitals 3 x-rays and 2 casts….. details and pictures to follow (but don’t worry :)

Denise was so proud that her shirt matched Susan’s hair

Pictures from Alodie’s engagement party

Alodie and Fabien (Fiancée)

Weekend with friends

Friday night was girls night Chez Moi. I cooked and Susan, Meghan and Joco came down. We ate brownie batter courtesy of Meg and played lots of games.

Ladies in Red

Then we met up with John, Evan and Loren in Butare for an epic day of eating. We returned to the Chinese food place in the middle of nowhere and set 2 new records. One for finding a place (1hr 10min) and waiting for food (3hrs for starters, another 45 for mains).

Thank God for cards

 

 

Posing Rwanda style (no smiles)

Inshuti

For my auntie annabelle stephanie

Our baby

 

Limits

So Alodie’s friend came over last night and said she is going to come every night. I can deal with that, paying to feed  her and Alodie, even being odd man out in my own house and having awkward conversation when I would rather be reading. I can even deal with the fact that Alodie tends to eat the fruit I buy for breakfast, forcing me to go to school and snarl at the kiddies. But I have limits. Crossing these limits will quickly turn me into the scariest of all monsters- a Grump-Sarus-Rex. Last night, Alodie went into my stash of private reading materials, not for public consumption, and brought out a Majesty Magazine from 1991 with Princess Diana on the cover.

That was my limit.

Surprise, party!

I got home from school a little late last night from school and unbeknownst to me, Alodie and I were having company. I walked in and dropped my bag when Alodie shouted “JaniE, Karibu” (welcome). In the living room was a friend of Alodie’s and then her fiancée showed up! It was great to meet them and Alodie was positively blissful. Having 3 people who all speak a common language when you do not is slightly strange for a host. I sat on the couch, smiled and nodded while Alodie made and served dinner with tea and everyone spoke Kinderwanda.  Fabien, Alodie’s man is very nice and I was really glad to meet him. I think he is a farmer, he definitely speaks no French or English and is very sweet to Alodie. They were quite cute and she often smacked his arm and giggled. Apparently flirting is universal.

In celebration, Alodie had made meat. Meat (not sure what animal) is served in smallish chunks with no knife, so the only option is to put a piece in  your mouth and chew.  I think because it was my house, I got a rather large chunk. At the beginning of dinner, I put it in my mouth and began to chew. I chewed and chewed and chewed. 15 minutes later, an exceptionally long dinner for us, I was still chewing and hadn’t made a dent. I started to ponder my options.  Should try to swallow it whole and take my chances with choking? Do people in Rwanda know the Heimlich? Could I do the self-Heimlich like Miranda in Sex and the City? At one point when no one was looking, I spit it into my bowl. It was still huge, but now gray and horrible looking so I decided I couldn’t leave it there.  I spooned it back in my mouth and gave it another shot. Even thinking about swallowing activated my gag reflex. Finally, everyone was done,  (still chewing) I grabbed all the plates, motioned for Alodie to sit and went out back. I dumped the plates and spit the massive chunk of meat out the window. The impromptu party was fun and I am glad I met her friend and Fiancée but it took the rest of the night to recover from the meat trauma.

Going, going, gone

 

 

Imagine

Senior One Waka Waka

Business Time

Rainy season is back and it means business. Monday night it monsoon-ed from 3pm to 4am. The storm knocked down a power line and now I haven’t had power for almost 48 hours.  Surprisingly, it hasn’t been so bad. All of my electronics died yesterday but I charged them today at school. I have used the no power excuse to treat myself to donuts (amandazi) for breakfast, chapati and cornbread for lunch and then Alodie surprised me by finding a coal-cooker to make a totes bomb dinner of yams and green beans.  Since there is no tea and I can’t boil water, Coke zero is the only beverage option (I did buy water in the end). 

Alodie is a fab cook and I could never figure out why, using the same ingredients, her food was always more savory than mine. But, I found the answers! Firstly, she uses more oil than I could ever imagine or want to imagine. Secondly, I found this bag of some spice I couldn’t identify and took it to KJ’s fiancée Camble (another bomb cook). He figured out its almond flour. A little pinch of almond flour to tomato’s and oil and everything is little bit yummier.

This is a totes random tidbit from ICT today:

I took away the mouse’s (Mice?) from the kids so they would have to use the keyboards to type. Usually they get obsessed with colors and fonts and don’t use the time to practice typing. I was walking around saying “Use your fingers! Type!” and one boy turned to me and said “I want to use my fingers Teacher” 

No toys? no problem!

Bike tire and a stick

Watch, brush, plastic rectangle       Bamboo, plastic ring, wire

Stick, bottles, various tops, string

Bottle car derby

Master at work

Hmm, what’s that?

 

Jane’s keys!

Joy! happiness!

I just received some very excellent news. My housekeeper,  Alodie, is getting married! This is fantastic for several reasons. Firstly, old maid status here is about 24 years old and Alodie is 30 so I was told she had basically no chance of ever getting married. More importantly, Alodie is so sweet, kind and nurturing to me, I can only imagine what it would be like to be her actual family. I do not want to imply that marriage is the ultimate goal for women, clearly that is not true. But, in a small rural society the unmarried stigma is probably even worse than a bustling capital like New York. Plus, there really isn’t really anything  to do here. But really the best part is that Alodie is so loving, I really like the idea of her getting the chance to spread that love to as many people as possible. Her husband and potential children (God willing) are some of the luckiest people around. Not only will they eat well, they will live in a house filled with love and laughter.  And, I get to go to the engagement/dowry ceremony and maybe the civil service. Oh Joy!

Bosses

Today Kelly Jo (Rwanda Field Director) and Becky (Program Director in from the US for a week) came to my school for a visit. I told my 4mcb class yesterday that my “boss” was coming and they needed to be incredibly good and…they were! The whole class paid extra attention, asked good questions and made astute observations.
We discussed India’s new program designed to slow population growth. The government will pay newly married couple 5,000 Rupees to wait 2 years to have kids.  (Fun Facts. US birthrate 2.2, India Birthrate 3 and Rwanda birthrate 5.12). We discussed the pro’s and con’s and then had a short but lively debate. They all agreed that population control is good, as more people equals the need for more schools, jobs, healthcare and food. The class was in agreement that if the population is  stable the country can concentrate on development. They also acknowledged that the more children in a family, the less money to spend per child. After making a long list of the pro’s I asked them what they would say if the Rwandan government came to them with the same proposition and the answer was a a resounding no. For the majority of this  class, the crux of the answer was religious. They declared that  sex is for procreation only and it’s a “violation of God’s law”  to wait to have children. They apparently were listening to genesis (Go forth and multiply or something to that effect). Franck had a productive suggestion, he said people should remain celibate until marriage but wait to get married, thus reducing number of children per family but not “violating” laws.
This class and my others all brought up that “birth control medicine is dangerous.” Without being too shocking, I tried to dispel the rumor that birth control pills harm a woman and we compromised by putting “Birth control pills dangerous?” on the board under cons. I didn’t want to risk putting the religious ban on condoms as the final say, so at the end of class I risked the wrath of the Pope and said I thought birth control in any form was often a very good idea.
Then the kids asked Kelly Jo and Becky some great questions about the U.S. Laurien asked “What is the climate in the US now?”  and '”How can I study in the US?”  Then we went and met the headmaster Jean who was thrilled to see them. During our tea together, Kelly Jo told Jean that WorldTeach is not returning to Rwanda next year. It was awful, I thought he was going to cry! The only possible upside was that it gave me an excuse for not returning as he kept saying “But I was going to propose that Jane remain”  It was also nice to feel appreciated, but really I am heartbroken they won’t have another American teacher next year.
Then Kelly Jo and Becky came to my Senior1 creative class. Creative tends to be pretty wild (by Rwandan, NOT American standards) because a. its creative so who cares and b. they are 11-15 and deserve to be wild. But today, they were so quiet and listened really well. We listened to some hip-hop and then they sang Imagine and danced to Waka Waka for the guests. Imagine got both KJ and Becky close to tears and was hailed as a great recruitment idea for prospective volunteers. Kelly Jo got it on video and will be uploading shortly!!! I will be sure to link to the blog.  The Senior 1’s also asked some questions, they were slightly less sophisticated but great. I was so proud of all my students. They are such smart and sweet children.

Smile, when there are clouds in the sky

Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though its breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by

 

Smile and maybe tomorrow, you’ll see the sun come shining through

 

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile

Teaching reviews

At the end of my 5MCB English class today, one girl raised her hand and asked “How can we learn English?”

This is the worst review of my teaching yet.