Means

After four months of unemployment, certain actions that used to be routine are now taking on a new gravity. Dry clean only clothes, for example, used to be just that. Now, I can't just take a huge pile of sweaters, pay the 90 dollars and be on my way.  Going to the drugstore is another, 10 bucks for deodorant! And don't get me going on the price of tampons, but that has always annoyed me. Even the subway is $2.25 a ride! I knew things had gotten serious when I pondered cheaping out on a gift for my two-year-old nephews birthday. That is just not Auntie Jane style.

I am attempting to live within my means currently and I am not very good at it. At this point in my life I can't point the finger at my upbringing.  I am a grown up and I need to take responsibility for my complete and utter lack of budgeting skills. Money doesn't grow on trees? I must admit I am far luckier and better off than most people in similar jobless situations. I do not have to worry where my next meal is coming from or how to clothe my children. I am fully aware my problems are low on the scale of true woes. My extremely generous mother allows me to live with her and she fulfills my food and wine needs nicely. Her devoted cleaning lady also does all my laundry and kisses my hands. But I really like stuff. I really like nice stuff. In retrospect, perhaps not buying $500 boots, a new coat and three cashmere sweaters might have been a slightly better cash saving plan than handwashing but I couldn't resist! I actually bought them while in Rwanda so they were waiting for me when I got home. It got me through a dark moment towards the end of my journey. Shallow? Possibly.  Effective? Absolutely.  And did I need 2 pairs of new jeans? Almost surely yes.  Taking a 24 dollar pilates class 3 to 5 times a week is non negotiable, because you really can't put a price on mental health. On the Pollyanna side of things, I have cut way back on  having dinners and drinks out and that is significant savings! I am also knitting all gifts for all people from now on, so I only have to spend money on yarn.

My problem is I tell myself that this ONE item doesn't matter, that it won't make a dent and will be easy to pay off after one paycheck. I haven't gotten myself into a romantic comedy worth of debt (see shopoholic with Isla Fisher-the clothes are to die! ) but my savings account is looking pretty anorexic (think it might be anemic too). But, isn't that the point of spending a year in a third world country? So you can be selfish, materialistic, and exceedingly well dressed for the other 80 years and still look back and think "I am such a good person, I taught English in Rwanda!"